"The 2017 BET Hip-Hop Awards" air tonight. Appearing on the show is the dream of every aspiring rapper, but sadly, it won't happen for most. Here are The Top Reasons You Haven't Made It as a Rapper.
Your name is Chance . . . The Stockroom Manager.
You put your gold in a safety deposit box instead of your mouth.
You forgot to press record when you had sex with a Kardashian.
Throwing your hands in the air upsets your sciatica.
You wear a red Make America Great Again hat onstage.
You think Nicki Minaj could lose a few inches off her backside.
Amazingly, you feel a bit guilty about creating "new" songs simply by screaming over music blatantly stolen from more talented artists.
The only thing Beyoncé's sister ever did to you in an elevator is ask you to press "5" for her.
The only thing in your "pimp chalice" is a healthy blend of carrot juice and pureed spinach.
Your "hustle" is collecting bottles to redeem at the recycling center.
You can't think of a single word that rhymes with "ragina."
The only reason you're driving a "low rider" is because you can't afford to fix the suspension on your Kia.
The only "beef" you've ever had was in Chunky Soup.
You limit what you spend on a pair of tennis shoes to $4,000.
Your last five gigs were bar mitzvahs.
You only carry a debit card, so you can never make it rain.
No matter how hard you try, you've been unable to come up with decent lyrics about the glories of a woman's butt.
Your songs have lots of very long accordion solos.
You prefer jewelry that's subtle and understated.
You grew up on the mean streets . . . of Beverly Hills.